Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Dispatches from the Desert: Field Notes on Race and Resurrection


Olivia Hamilton
The Third Thursday in Lent, year C
March 3, 2016

Lesson: Luke 11:14–23

What I want to present today is not a thesis about the causes and effects of racism, or a step-by-step guide for making our churches more welcoming to people of color, or even a call to action. Instead, what I have to offer are simple field notes, so to speak, of my own experience as a White Christian encountering the pain of exile, but also the power of the Resurrected Christ, in the work of dismantling racism. I will call these field notes “dispatches from the desert.”

Dispatch 1: The Moment I Realized I was in the Desert

Before we can begin to heal, we must admit that we are wounded. Before we can find our way home, we must realize that we are in exile. As a white person, it took me a long time to realize, and I am still coming to see, all of the ways that racism has harmed me. Of course, the overwhelming pain and burden of racism falls on people of color, and I don’t mean to suggest otherwise. But what I have come to understand is that the illusion of superiority that racism endows on those of us who are white is not only toxic, but hurls us into a state of exile that separates us from others, and from God.

Someone whose life and work and faith has been essential to me as I’ve grappled with racism is a woman named Anne Braden. Maybe some of you are familiar with her story. Anne was born in 1924 to an elite white Southern family, and grew up in the rigidly segregated town of Anniston, Alabama. A longtime member of St. George’s Episcopal Church in Louisville, Kentucky, Anne devoted her life to ending racism, and she did so by taking risks. She is best known for a single act: in 1954 Anne and her husband Carl helped a Black family, the Wades, buy a small house in an all-white neighborhood of Louisville. Within days, wooden crosses were burned in the house’s front yard, bricks were catapulted through the windows, and eventually the house was altogether blown up by dynamite. The Wades were not home when the explosion occurred, but a later investigation showed that the dynamite had gone off in the bedroom of their three-year-old daughter.

Following these events, the Bradens were threatened by their white neighbors, put on trial by the State of Kentucky for sedition, accused of being race traitors and Communists, blacklisted for jobs and betrayed by many of their white friends and family members.

But long before Anne took this risk, something fundamental had to shift in her perspective. She describes a moment in her childhood – what I will call the moment she realized she was in the desert, and it’s a moment that I think set the tone for the rest of her life. Anne’s family had a Black housekeeper who would often bring her daughter with her when she came to clean the house. This girl got all of Anne’s hand-me-down clothes, but as Anne recalls in an interview, the girl was bigger and taller than she was, and the clothes never quite fit. What she later said was that something would happen to her when she looked at this little girl. “I knew something was wrong,” she said, “and I [became] convinced that what was wrong was the [entire] reality of our lives.”

I want to pay attention to that moment in Anne’s experience when she said that something would happen to her when she looked at this little girl, wearing her ill-fitting and worn out hand-me-downs, and in part because this has been my experience, too. That unease, that feeling of being completely dislocated in your own home, that sense that reality as you know it has been built on a distortion…that, I think, is exile.

The distortion of reality that allows us white people to believe (even subconsciously) that we are inherently superior to people of color is damaging to us in that it cuts us off from relationships, prevents us from being vulnerable with ourselves and others, and damages our ability to think boldly and imaginatively about what our society might look like if we were not given priority over others. Braden likens this process to developing a photograph in a darkroom; over time, the image becomes more clear, but in truth, just like the image in a photograph these injustices, these distortions, have been there all along. For me, the more I learn and listen to the voices and histories of people of color, the more my world is turned inside out as I see with greater clarity how my own view of myself and the world has been shaped by racist ideologies, and how those ideologies have left me parched and isolated.

As Anne Braden wrote, “I don’t think guilt is a productive emotion. I never knew anybody who really got active because of guilt. I’ve never seen it move anybody. I think what everybody white that I know has gotten involved in the struggle got into it because they glimpsed a different world to live in.”

Before we can come home, we must realize that we are in exile. Before we can address the racism that we all agree exists, we have to believe that there’s something at stake for white people; that when people of color get free, a part of me, a part of you, gets free, too.

Dispatch 2: Casting out Demons and Cooperating with the Devil

As we follow Jesus toward the Cross in Lent, we find ourselves in dry deserts and other landscapes of isolation. We come face to face with the devil, we encounter doubt and temptation and divisiveness. Today I chose to preach on the text assigned by the lectionary for today, the third Thursday in Lent; perhaps lesser known, but Lenten, indeed.

The gospel of Luke tells us that Jesus is casting out demons, making a person who was mute speak. People in the crowd accuse him of casting out demons in the name of Beelzebul, the prince of demons, but Jesus reiterates that it is God’s work he has been sent to do. “Every kingdom divided against itself becomes a desert, and house falls on house.” Jesus says.  He goes on: “if Satan also is divided against himself, how will his kingdom stand?”

A simple interpretation would be to say that racism is a demon that must be cast out of our hearts and of our world. And to the extent that we understand sin as our propensity as humans to deny the humanity of others, and to deny our own humanity in turn, I think this interpretation holds up. When our lives are at odds with God’s desire for us to be reconciled to one another, they become deserts. The passage also invites us to think about how we cooperate with evil; by what we have done, or by what we have left undone; by complicity, complacency or collusion. Without our consent, how could the evil of racism thrive, we might ask? Are we here to scatter, or are we here to gather?

Jesus says that he casts out demons by the finger of God. As I think again about my motivations for getting involved in the movement to end racism, I have come to see that doing so through politics or scholarship or activism alone still leaves my soul parched. If I get involved from a place of guilt or shame, I reinforce my own isolation. If I get involved because I want to be good, or because I think I know the answers, I fail to perceive how the Spirit might be doing surprising or unexpected things around me and within me, and I also fail to bring my whole self, isolated and parched as I am, to the work.  

I want to turn again to Anne Braden. I mentioned earlier that she was a devout Episcopalian, and I did so less because I want to claim her as one of us, although I am glad count her as one of the saints of the church, and instead because I think her life modeled a theology that might give us something to ponder in the desert we find ourselves in.

She writes, “Human beings have always been able to envision something better. I don’t know where they get it but that’s what makes human beings divine I think. All through history there’ve been people who’ve envisioned something better in the most dire situations, and that’s what you want to be a part of. You won’t see the fruits of it but that that’s what you want to be a part of.”

That’s what makes humans divine, she says. The ability to envision something better. You won’t see the fruits of it, but that’s what you want to be a part of. I think that is what it looks like to cast out demons by God’s finger. In a political season when the phrase “make America great again” is appealing to the fears of white Americans who can’t bear to see their superior station in life jeopardized, who wish to uphold the world as it has been and as it is, Anne Braden’s faithful witness to the Gospel, her risk-taking and her refusal to cooperate, remind us of the beauty of the world that could be if we imagine together with God.

Dispatch 3: Finding Our Way Back Home

We like to think of ourselves as Easter people living in a Lenten world. But we also understand that we cannot know Resurrection without traveling through the pain and brokenness and despair of Good Friday. In the same way, as much as we wish we could skip right to a happy and harmonious day when racism no longer brutalizes bodies and disrupts the lives of people of color, white people, myself included, are called to grapple with the brokenness of our history, and the racist ideologies (however subconscious) that force us into exile. And as a Church, if our desire is to embrace diversity, and for our doors to be opened ever wider, but we do nothing to grapple with the ways that racism shapes our history and impacts our communities, we will only wind up replicating harm. Instead, I think, we can anchor ourselves in our faith as we commit to participating in the work of dismantling racism.

Jesus’ journey toward the Cross during these forty days is not a linear path. We don’t follow Christ with the expectation that one day we’ll have this whole Resurrection thing figured out, that we’ll be able to check off a box that says “good Christian” and put our faith up on a shelf to admire from afar for the rest of our days. We follow Christ because Christ represents possibility.

Likewise, our desires to end racism can’t be about learning how to be “good allies” and then feeling as though we’ve arrived and can rest. Anne Braden reminds us, we might not even see the fruits of our labor. But if we root ourselves in the mystery of our faith, and if we acknowledge that part of what makes us divine is our capacity to imagine a world that has never been, and if – with God’s help  we take risks to make that world a reality, I believe we will find our way home.



Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The Grace in Being Tested


“God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”  1 Cor. 10:13

The Rev. Luther Zeigler
Lent 3C – February 28, 2016

Lent is a season for being tested, as each of our readings today suggest in different ways.  So, let me begin by talking a little bit about tests.  For most of my life, dating back to my college years, I have had a recurring dream – a nightmare, really – that basically goes like this:  I bolt upright out of bed, suddenly realizing that my alarm clock has not gone off as it should have. Disoriented from sleep, I struggle to open my eyes to make out the time on the clock.  I see that I’m hopelessly late for my history final exam.  Panicking, I stagger out of bed, throw on some clothes, and head out the door.

I try to run, but my legs feel like I'm wading through sludge.  I can’t seem to get my body to move quickly enough; it’s as if I'm running in slow motion.  I eventually make it across the campus quad to the History building.  Then I realize that I have forgotten in which room the test is being given.  I ask everyone I meet for directions but no one seems to know the answer.

Finally, I find the room.  Everyone else is already hard at work on the exam.  As I look at the first question, I am horrified to see that it is in a language I do not recognize. Even though I have no idea what the question is asking, I decide to just start writing everything I remember about the class, hoping that some of what I say may be in the ballpark and will fall upon merciful ears.  But then, each time I put pencil to paper, the graphite tip keeps breaking off on the page. While everyone else is finishing their test, I can't even get the pencil to write.  The ticking of the clock on the classroom wall grows louder and more insistent.  And then I wake up.

If you've had this dream or one like it, you're not alone.  Psychologists say that this type of dream – a dream of failing a test, or not being prepared for a test, or being late for a test, or some variation on this theme – is one of the most common dreams people experience.  Dreams of this kind are so common because they reflect a basic truth about the human condition.  Human beings fear failure.  We fear being judged unworthy.  To one degree or another, we are all insecure about our abilities, about our relationships, about whether we will be accepted.  We worry that everyone else has what it takes, but that we don't, and that we will be left behind, alone and unloved.

This fear of failure, of inadequacy, can be one of the most debilitating in all of human experience.  The fear has deep roots in the biblical narrative, as we just heard in our first lesson from Exodus.  When Moses, the greatest prophet in all of the Hebrew Scriptures, first encounters the mysterious power of the burning bush, he is overcome by fear.  And not just fear for his safety in the presence of God's overwhelming being; no, what Moses really fears, we discover, is that God is choosing him for leadership and that he, Moses, may not be up to the task.

In his heart, Moses worries that the Hebrew people will not listen to him, a young man who grew up as an adopted child in Pharaoh's court, who has no real standing in the community, and whose one claim to fame is that he is an outlaw for having murdered an Egyptian in a fist fight.  And secretly, as we later learn, Moses is also acutely self-conscious of his own limitations – most noticeably, the speech impediment with which he was born, his stuttering, his inability to speak with precision and clarity.  What kind of prophet is barely able to talk?  Like us, Moses is afraid of his own inadequacies.

But notice what God does in our text.  God does not abandon Moses to his fear.  Instead, God draws near, saying these crucial words:  “I will be with you.”  God reaches out and invites Moses to trust to Him.  And herein lies the key, the key to unlocking fear, the key to seeing through the risk of failure.  In a word, it is trust:  to acknowledge our dependence upon God and to trust that He will carry us through our fears – yes, through, not around, our fears.  The true power of the story lies not so much in the fiery spectacle of the bush as it does in the continuing promise of God's saving mercy, and Moses’ willingness to place his trust in that promise.

In our epistle lesson today, St. Paul points the good people of Corinth back to this Exodus story, and to the various experiences of the Hebrew people in the wilderness, both good and bad, as examples of how we might faithfully endure the tests that life places before us.  St. Paul concludes by saying that “God will not test us beyond our strength, but with the testing he will always provide the way out so that we are able to endure it.”

This emphatically does not mean that the road will be easy or that God always ensures good outcomes along the way.  As Christ’s own journey to Golgotha demonstrates with painful clarity, a faithful life is not one free of suffering and challenge, or even, death.  We will inevitably be tested.  Sometimes we pass life’s tests, sometimes we fail.  Sometimes the doctors find a cure for the disease, sometimes they don’t.

What matters, it turns out, is not whether we succeed or fail, but rather, how faithfully we endure the trial.  God does not expect us to be perfect; he merely expects us to be faithful.  For God works through our failures as much as he works through our successes; indeed, maybe more so.  To trust in God is to know that neither our successes nor our failures define us; what defines us, what gives us our worth and dignity, is the steadfast love God in Christ shows for us in both the triumphs and the disappointments.

One of my favorites lines in all of the Book of Common Prayer is from the General Thanksgiving (BCP 836), written by one of my predecessors at Harvard, Charlie Price.  It goes like this:  “We thank you, God, for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us.  And we thank you also for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.”

The eyes of faith see that the tests of life are less a measure of our worth than they are occasions for grace, opportunities for God to help us grow in maturity and fruitfulness.  This insight, too, is at the heart of Jesus’ parable of the withering fig tree.  Left to its own devices, the fig tree is barren and will remain so. But when it allows the gardener to care for it, to till its soil and fertilize its roots, it suddenly has the potential for fruitfulness.  The fig tree’s only hope is to acknowledge its dependence on the loving care of a gardener with strong and wise hands.

So there you have it:  An orphaned outlaw survives the test of prophetic leadership because he turns to and trusts in a God who promises “I will be with you.”  A confused and lost church in Corinth survives its own wilderness test by turning to and trusting in an apostle who preaches only Christ crucified.  A withering fig tree is tested and given the promise of life by turning to and trusting in a merciful gardener, whose saving presence, incidentally, we will meet again on Easter morning at the empty tomb.

I confess that I still have “the nightmare” from time to time; the nightmare about failing the history test.  But now when I awaken from it, I am able to laugh, knowing that I have nothing to fear so long as I turn to and trust in the One who sent His very own Son to carry me home.  Amen.